RWBY Reacts to RTAA
by ExactChase
Summary: Ruby receives an e-mail with a video attached and begins watching the playlist with Yang. R&R
1. San Diego, Statue, Expert Parent

Ruby was going through her email when she found a video Jaune sent her, it was called "Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures- San Diego." She and Yang usually watched funny videos together so Ruby called her over "Jaune sent this video, he said it was funny." She said clicking on it. A screen popped up thy said the title of the video.

Geoff: Well we can talk about our day, we started our morning, uh, in the office, working

Gus: Yeah

Gus: then we promptly left there and went straight to the airport to get on a plane

Geoff: Got on a plane

Gus: and flew to San Diego

Geoff: Sat next to two fucking cunts that refused to turn their electronics off through the entire goddamn flight

Yang winced at the harsh words

Geoff: I don't understand either of us

Gus: I looked over and the bitch was in her IPhone right

Geoff: I mean we're fucking flying, we're taxing

Gus: that's totally an electronic device right, the attendant comes by and she's like you've gotta turn that off ma'am and she's like oh that's right turns it off and we were five feet off the ground and she pulls her SLR she's taking pictures of the woman next to her

Geoff: she's taking flash photography as we're taking off the plane

Gus: if that had gotten in the rear view mirror of the pilot we would have been toast

Geoff: that stupid bitch and her dumb friend put all of our lives in danger, why do we have rules Gus? You know fuck it I'm not gonna pay taxes anymore this lady showed me yeah I'll pull out my fucking camera I'll pull out my phone I'll pull out my fucking vibrator I don't care that I am putting two hundred and forty five people at risk there's small babies on that plane but whatever who cares cause I'm here to look at photos of my dog! Now I'm not gonna pay my taxes and I'm going to shoot a cop.

"He's right that is the dumbest fucking bitch to ever walk the earth!" Yang said agreeing with Geoff "there's a whole playlist?" Ruby said clicking on the next video "Statue"

Burnie: have you ever heard the whole story of how I got , Burnie Tasmania city in Tasmania is spelled exactly like my name B-u-r-n-I-e well I registered a very long time ago so the city of Burnie Tasmania started to contact me and they wanted the website and I made these outrageous demands like I will give it to you as long as you will have a parade in my honor and I get to march in the front of the parade and you build a statue of me which I'll pay for but you have to put it in a park somewhere where it's me and I'm in an outstretched hand a can of fosters and tucked under my arm I have a platypus and I get to make up the inscription as long as I have a statue and they said can you at least modify it to something less offensive and I said it's just a blank page but Gus modified it it said Burnie sucks cock! So if you lived in the city of Burnie Tasmania you got this horrible message every time you logged onto your little vandalism cost me my statue of a platypus man.

"Wow." Yang said laughing at Burnie "Who are these people?" "I don't know." Ruby said clicking on the next video "Lightning"

Geoff: I was with a guy when he got struck by lightning

"I see where this is going." Yang said

Geoff: me and my friends were driving from Alabama to New Orleans and it started raining lightning actually struck near the car and we were like ah and we swerved I took my car and drove it into a ditch and all my friends had to get out I fucking hitchhiked to a gas station and I go up and I go hey I just wrecked my car I need to get a tow from the guy and he goes I don't go out in the rain I've had bad times I wa alike I do t know what that means but seriously still your job you've gotta help me and Uh he went fuh he goes and he gets in his truck and I get in the eh tow truck and I go so why do you hate the bad weather so much and he goes my sisters kid got struck by lightning at the beach and I go oh wow dude I'm sorry is she okay? And he's like nope! And I go well you know lightning never strikes twice in the same place! My brother got killed by lightning. And I go oh ok and that shut me up and then we're driving down and my car was gone and the water took it down and a you can see of my car is the roof and the antenna that had like a ball on it or something but eventually he's able to pull the car out of this huge ditch and he goes to like move the cable and lightning strikes right there and a the sudden we hear the guy scream and he's on the ground hiding his arm like his right shoulder it him him but it hit so I guess it charged all the electricity on all the fucking metal around it he gets up and he just looks at me with the maddest eyes ever!

Gavin: I'm surprised he didn't electro punch you in the face

Geoff: and the guy just starts walking away from my car and I walk up to him and say how much do I owe you and he just looks at me and I'm hoing my wallet out and he just put his hand in my wallet and took every money out of my wallet and just walked away with it

Yang was laughing at the wallet thing. "Wow was he really that pissed?" Yang asked as Ruby clicked in the next one "Headlight fluid"

Gavin: I remember talking to a guy on set once he was like a stunt driver and he's crashed like a lot of cars and one of the first crashes he did the airbags went off and apparently you like get a lot of heat from airbags so it I guess burnt his hands and he's like ah I burnt all my arms

"All my arms?" Yang asked

Gavin: and then he looked down and he's like did I piss myself and it turned out that the headlight fluid container made it into the car onto his lap

Gus: the headlight fluid container really?

"Wait headlight fluid is real?" Ruby asked

"Wait for it" yang answered

Gus: that's amazing I can't believe it went all the way from the headlight fluid container went all the way to the front of the car

Burnie: did you just say headlight fluid?

Gavin: what are you talking about?

Gus: there's no such thing!

Burnie: do you really think there's headlight fluid?

Gus: oh the lights are dim better put some more fluid in there

Geoff: gonna top off the headlights

Gavin: or maybe the wiper juice. What's that stuff called again?

Gus: wiper juice?

Geoff: this is the dumbest moment in the history of our company

Gavin: but you know what I mean right

"Wait does that say 'cutest couple Gus and Geoff?" Yang asked "Yes." Blake said from behind them

Geoff: is it metric headlight fluid

Gavin: it's a good job I'm going home I'm actually going to get a flight today

"Wow Gavin is really dumb." Yang said "it says here it's from a podcast." Ruby said pausing the video "Next." Yang said clicking on the next video "Expert Parent"

Geoff: you know that's half the reason I had a kid was so I could feed her misinformation I was trying to get Millie to go to the bathroom and she didn't want to go so I went you like bears? And she's like of course I like bears so I said well bears eat poop and bears live I. The toilet so you need to feed the bears or they're gonna starve

Burnie: why did you do that?

Geoff: I don't know it just seemed like a good idea at the time

Gus: the bear is waiting for her to go so that it can come out and eat oh you're an idiot

Geoff: I'm pretty sure my mother had a kid just for the free labor like I'd get home from school I had to call my mom and she'd give me the list of the seven hours of chores I had to do for that day it was my moms way of keeping me out of trouble it was stiff like clean the gutters cut the grass paint the living room even though I painted it last week paint it again

Burnie: are you sure I want like she was Mr Miagi it's like show me clean the gutters and she throws a dragon strike at you

Geoff: like one day it's all gonna come together for me

Burnie: like a guy covered in leaves shows up and you'll be like I know this!

Geoff: somebody's gonna assassinate the president and my mom's gonna be like fold the towel! Maybe I'm a sleeper agent.

Burnie: I think you missed your calling.

"More like sleeping agent." Yang said.


	2. Omnibus 1 and 2

Ruby clicked on the next episode "Omnibus #1

Burnie: We're unsympathetic if we're sitting next to somebody on a plane and they're like I'm a very nervous flyer

"Oh god." Yang said knowing where this was going

Burnie:We're like "Don't worry we fly all the time." and then as soon as we're going to take off I'll turn to Geoff and I'll say casually, "yeah, we're not going fast enough" or if there's a noise on the plane I go "WHOA! what was that?"

Geoff:We were talking and we asked what the average British person's view of Americans. He said "Fat, loud and obnoxious" and Gryphon and I were like "obviously you can see that's not the case."

"Wait for it." Blake said

Geoff:And on cue a speed boat pulled up with three drunk fat dudes with no shirts on and some crazy red neck lady comes running behind us with a case of beer in hand and goes "I got the beer!"

[cuts]

Gus:Fuck!

[cuts]

Geoff:And that's awesome, yeah if you like to do this

[Phone rings]

Burnie:What is with the fucking phone!? Throw it out of the goddamn office!

Geoff:Here, I'll take the batteries out.

Burnie:Don't take the batteries out, get it out, turn off the fucking ringer! You don't have to invent a time machine and go back and kill Alexander Graham Bell! Just fucking turn off the goddamn phone!

[cuts]

Brandon: Look at these hands, these hands are fucking smooth as balls alright!

[cuts]

Gus: We go down there, the car's been egged. It had an omelet on it. It's like my car was sunny side up.

Gavin:But, was it just your car? Somebody went and bought eggs just to put on your car.

Burnie: Now why do you think they egged your car?

"Cause, Gus is an asshole?" Yang asked

Gus:Probably because it's been sitting there for three weeks! I moved it from one side of the street to the other.

"Apparently that wasn't enough." Ruby said

Burnie:Apparently that wasn't enough to call of an egging

[The End]

"Ruby, how did you?" Blake asked "I did not do that on purpose!" Ruby said defending herself and clicking on the next video "Omnibus #2"

Burnie:Geoff's in elementary school, so think about this,

Geoff: I was like third grade

Burnie:His mom's friend came to pick him up, the teacher says "Okay, Geoff, you know her right?" and Geoff goes "I've never seen her before in my life, this lady's trying to kidnap me."

"Oh my god!" Yang said laughing

Burnie:And the friend goes "Haha, Geoff come on tell her who I am, that you know me" and Geoff says "I really don't know, I'm kinda scared by all this. Everything that's happening right now."

Geoff: Wait, it got worse 'cause eventually they got me to admit I knew her but the I said that the reason I'd lied was because she touched me.

"OH MY GOD!" Yang repeated laughing even harder

Burnie:WHAT!? What's wrong with you?

[cut]

Burnie:[in old radio announcer voice] Hello ladies and gentlemen I'm coming to you today from the zeppelin races

[cuts]

Gus:There's this barbecue place in Kirkland called Dickey's Barbecue and they have this uh special hot sauce that they call the man and the owner will walk around with a little sauce pan of the man and will ask all the patrons 'You wanna meet the man?" If you haven't met the man he'll get a toothpick and he'll dip like a tiny little tenths of a drop onto this toothpick and will say "Here try it" and it's the hottest thing you'll ever eat in your life.

Geoff:It's no joke, that tooth pick can ruin your entire day

[stall with bear feeding in progress written on it]

"ha call back" Yang said

Burnie:and then there's like all these newspaper articles on the wall. And some of these articles look like they're from 1965 because they're so old but the dude and the pan and they look exactly the same

[cut]

Burnie:[old radio] they climb Mount Fuji

[cut]

Burnie:One time my brother did something to me that was torturous, so we were in the drive way of our house and I go "Look, look how close my finger is to my thumb but they're not touching" and he goes "Don't move." and I said "What?" he goes "That is the closest anyone has ever gotten ever, I'm going to call the Guinness book of world records, so don't move." I must have fucking sat there in that driveway for an hour and finally I couldn't hold my arm up anymore, I'm crying, I go in the house and he's watching TV I go "Where's the Guinness book of world records?" and he just says "You're stupid!"

[The End]

"That's sad, yet actually really funny." Yang said laughing "Would you ever do that?" Ruby asked Yang "Hell yes!" Yang answered immediately.


	3. New Orleans

Ruby clicked on the next episode "New Orleans Pt. 1"

Geoff:I got to see New Orleans in a way I've never seen it before which is sober

"Alcoholic much?" Yang asked rhetorically

Geoff:Because I was responsible for keeping Griffon, I don't think you know this about my wife but if you're in a new town you have to go on the ghost tour for that town, we go on the first ghost tour and there's a 20-minute break where you can get some more drinks

"I thought he said he was sober." Ruby pointed out "Griffon's probably going to get obliterated." Yang answered

Geoff: And Griffon drinks like two huge drinks, then she gets weird, she goes to the bathroom and she comes out just waddling, she looks like a fucking pinball, she has this stupid grin on her face and she goes "I lost my purse" and I go "Did you have it with you?" and she goes "Mmmm" "Did you lose it in the bathroom?" "Hmmm" and I go "Well go back in the bathroom and get it" she goes in and she comes out and she just goes "I lost my purse" "Was it not in the bathroom" "nuh uh" and I go "Why are you so fucking happy you lost your goddamn purse"

"He's so mean!" Ruby said "Well he's pissed, because one, he didn't want to do the ghost tour in the first place and now he has to deal with her drunk ass!" Yang said

Geoff:So now I have to backtrack to see if she sat down and left it somewhere on the tour and so I'm like what am I gonna do with Griffin, cause I realize at this point, she's gone. So I stick her with the tour people and I say "Stay with them whatever you do, stay with them." and I run around New Orleans backtracking trying to find her purse, I can't find it anywhere. I go back and I find Griffin kinda like plotting behind them like not able to keep up and just bumping into shit and I go "Well fuck" and I also think that the tour is trying to get away from her

"I don't blame them!" Blake said

Geoff:And Griffin's just walking into a mailbox and going "Hmmm" so I go and I grab her and I'm like "I gotta get you back to the hotel." so I walk her to the hotel and she's like bumping into me and she would bump into somebody and be like "Wha!"

"Like drunk Yang" Blake and Ruby said in unison, having dealt with drunk Yang.

Geoff: So I get her back to the hotel and she's really wobbly at this point so I stand her against the wall and I'm fishing out the key and while I'm doing that she slid down the wall and slammed her head onto the ground

Gus:Oh!

Geoff: and then I look at her and she's covered in blood, she's like ripped her chin up and she starts crying.

Gus:Oh god.

Geoff: and then I get her into the room and she like runs into the bathroom and starts throwing up everywhere.

[End]

"I don't know who to feel bad for, Griffin, for cutting her chin or Geoff for having to deal with her drunk ass." Yang said "Geoff." Ruby and Blake said in unison having been in his situation.

Ruby clicked on the next video "New Orleans Pt. 2"

Geoff:And she like runs into the bathroom and starts throwing up everywhere, so I'm like "Are you gonna need any help?"

"At least he's nice about it." Ruby said

Geoff :And she's like "No, I wanna be alone, I wanna be alone. So I'm like "Ok fine!" And I just like started watching TV and hanging out and like every ten minutes I'd go back in and check on her and I'd be "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" and she'd say "uhh, Leave and shut the door!"

"He's so nice!" Ruby said not knowing Geoff.

Geoff: Eventually I fall asleep y'know and I wake up and I go into the bathroom and she's on the ground, face first on the ground and there's vomit everywhere.

"Oh my god!" Yang said

Geoff: It's in her hair, t's on the floor, it's on the walls, she had been drinking huricanes, which is an obnoxiously red drink so her vomit was like radioactive, it was like bright fuckin' red puke and she did nothing but eat oysters the entire time we were there, cause she loves seafood

Gus:Oh!

Geoff:So I cleaned up bright red oyster puke.

"You know who else's puke is fuckin' bright red? Ruby's" Yang said having had to clean up Ruby's vomit one too many times.

Gus:Oh man I want to throw up now

"So do I" Yang said running to the bathroom, once she came back they resumed the video.

Geoff:So I have to fight her to get her out of her clothes and get her into the shower and then and she's just laying naked on the floor of the bathtub just going "uuuh" and I'm thinking is she gonna die what the fuck and so I'm like "can I get you anything" and she's like I just wanna be in the bathtub so I want okay and she just sat in the shower and then eventually she just comes to bed laughing her ass off she's like "Did I throw up everywhere" and I'm like "yeah" and she goes "Hahahaha"

"asshole" Blake said

Geoff:and she's like "Did you clean it up?" and I'm like "I did"and she's like [laughing]

[End]

As soon as they finished that video Weiss came in "What're you three doing?" She asked "Watching videos." Ruby said "What videos?" Weiss asked "Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures." Yang answered "Cool." Weiss said sitting down beside them.


	4. Omnibus 3, Double Derps

Ruby, clicked on the next video "Omnibus # 3"

Geoff:Yeah so we got a series of stories from Pax to do, two dudes come up to gus and their like "hey" and Gus is like "Hey what's up"

Gus:They said "We just wanted to come by yesterday but we couldn't because we kinda had a situation

Geoff:And Gus lifts up his shirt and points to his six-flab

"Six-flab?" Yang asked laughing

Geoff: And goes "You mean this situation?" and uh the guy gets the most confused look on his face, like quizzical the guy goes"Huh?" and Gus goes "The situation my abs, this situation." and the guy goes "I don't wha-" ang Gus goes "Come on this situation" and the guy goes "i don't, uh, uh, my friend had seizure yesterday and that was our situation, anyway we think he's gonna be ok." and they just walk away

Gus:And I'm standing there with my shirt up

geoff:the whole time [laughs]

[cuts]

Gus:[slams fist down on table] Come at me bro!

"Cough, cough, Yang, cough, cough" Ruby said

[cuts]

Burnie:So I went on a trip and we went and we got back, and I had parked my new car on his land

"oh God." Yang said

Burnie:And apparently one of the horses thought "I hate that fucking car" and the horse bit every fucking panel on the outside of the car and I go "What happened to my car?" and one of the guys goes "Uh oh, were the horses out? Maybe one of them was cribbing." and I go "What the fuck is cribbing?" they said "Sometimes the horses bite stuff" They do this thing called cribbing where they they take their big fucking donkey teeth and they'll hang it on something like a fence post and raise themselves in the air until they can't move and they're bloated and the horsemen have to come out and like drain them of air, they're just idiots.

[end]

"Well they're language is wonderful." Weiss said sarcastically while Yang laughed and Ruby clicked on the next episode, "Double Derps."

Geoff:we gotta talk about what happened to us at fucking Double Dave's last week, there was a man and a woman in front of us in line I had no initial idea that they were gonna turn out to be the two most retarded people on the planet the lady's like "We heard about this thing it's called a stromboli is that something that you guys sell?" and the aly's like "Yeah we have some strombolis and the lady's like "what is that" and she's trying to explain it to her and she's like "I just don't understand" and the guy's like "yeah is it like a calzone and what is a calzone anyway" and she's going through this explanation

"These people ARE fucking retarded!" Yang said

Geoff:and they're like "I just don't get it I just don't know is it good? can we see it?" and the lady's like "I guess" So she walks them over to the buffet and is like pointing out stromboli

Gus:There's a stromboli and there's a calzone

Geoff:And the people just look fucking befuddled like their entire world got turned upside down because somebody mentioned a stromboli to them so then they walk away and I'm like "Thank fucking christ" so we get our pizza and we go to the soda machine and they have this new fangled soda machine

Gus:It's a touch screen

geoff:Couldn't be simplere-year-old can do it, they stopped at that soda machine, I saw jaws hit the ground, they looked scared! They're scratching their heads and they're like "What is this?, I don't understand. Where do I put my cup?" and they're really confused and then I turn around and I'm talking to Gus and Griffin and we turn back around, the were just walking out the front door. They had to leave and go to therapy. I will say it's gotta be awesome to be that stupid because every time you leave your house it's a whole new world! A soda machine! This'll occupy me for the next six hours! This is fantastic! and I'm fucking retarded so I'm gonna forget about it tomorrow! It's gonna be a whole new adventure again

[end]

"I think it might actually be fun to be retarded." Yang said "You should know." Weiss said earning a fist to the face.


	5. Shakedowns & Breakdowns

Ruby clicked on the next video "Shakedowns &amp; Breakdowns"

Gus:So I heard Millie threatened your wife with physical violence the other day.

"Oh."

"My."

"Freaking."

"God." RWBY said "She's like a little Yang!" Weiss said

Geoff:[Laughs] She did! The other day she said "Mommy, I wanna watch Totoro" or some shit. And Griffin said "Nah, no, we're gonna go to the grocery store, you can watch it later maybe if you're a good girl" and Millie said "Mommy, it would be sad if you broke your nose"

"Oh my god! She's like the fucking mafia!" Blake said

Geoff:and Griffin said "excuse me?" and she goes "I'm saying it would hurt really bad if you broke your nose it would be sad." and Griffin goes "Are you threatening me?" and Millie goes "You'd have to get a new nose and that would hurt." she's like a mafia-style shakedown on my wife.

"I wonder who she takes after." Blake said

Burnie:You got a lot of nice things around here mommy, be a shame if something got broken.

Geoff;yeah, so I don't know where she got that from.

"Don't you?" Weiss said

Geoff;I mean, she watches the Godfather a lot

[cuts]

Gus: Did you see the video of the Betty 380 hitting a little plane that reinforces a rant about air travel

Geoff: exactly imagine if you're two cunts sitting in a plane, right and you've got your fucking camera out and you're browsing through your photos of your fucking dog and all of the sudden your plane does a ninety-degree turn, you don't have any teeth left because you just ate that fucking camera.

Gus:Or! That camera flies out of your hand and hits a baby in the eye

geoff:You just blinded a baby because you wanted to show your friend pictures of your fuckin' dog.

[cuts]

Matt:That's the sound of a delicious snack.

Burnie: Come here I'll put some of your nuts in my mouth, come on bring 'em this way

Weiss, Blake and Yang were laughing out loud while Ruby was absolutely clueless. "what's so funny?" She asked pausing the video "W-when you're older." Yang said still laughing as Ruby unpaused the video

Burnie:You had a momentarily day of weakness, you were like "Get out but goals!"

Joel:I was right! I was right! It was the same day we had that meeting! You were there [points to Burnie] You were there [Points to Gus] I don't think you were there [Points to Geoff] I said Listen Commodities DYY is up 33% since that day and SLV is up by 25%

Burnie:No one knows what you're talking about! Do you understand this at all

Joel:[While Burnie is talking] If you go back check podcast from to years ago I said the Ranger's are gonna be in the world series! I'm all over it you can't stop me!

Burnie:[While Joel is talking] No one understands you!

[end]

"I think that man was crazy" Blake said "Joel." Ruby said "How do you know?" Weiss asked. "It says it in the description. 'Joel explains why he was right about everything'" Ruby said "He's like Ruby!" Weiss said again getting punched by Yang.


	6. Help Me! Please!

**AN: Does anyone know where I can get a detailed description of the RTAA stories, like currently I'm playing the video, pausing it writing it down repeat and It's just a pain it takes about ten minutes just to get one story written down, so if anyone can help that would be great, it's not on the wiki, so I'm pretty much having to do it this way.**


	7. Party of the Dead, Joel Hates Snakes

Ruby clicked on the next video "Party of the Dead"

[Music plays]

Burnie;We're at an industry party now! Hey what's going on!

Jeol:How's that thing you're working on!

"They're all totally hammered" Ruby said surprising her teammates

Gus:Are you working on something secret? That you can't talk about

"Or they're trying to get information." Blake stated

Jack:Here's my business card.

Burnie:WHAT?!

Jack:Take my business card

"And advertising" Weiss said

Gus:We're working on something it'll come out in 2012

Burnie:WHAT?

Joel:So all these all the drinks are free right?

[bartender points to sign that reads Drinks $5]

"No they're five dollars." Weiss said

Burnie:We're working on Red vs Blue!

Gus:I think there's a girl here somewhere

Burnie:We're still working on it

Joel:No that's Tucker the other blue guy.

Jack:I really have to go

Gus:No I'm not Caboose, Caboose isn't here

Burnie:What?

[cuts]

[Gus looks around and then farts]

"Classy!" Yang said

[cuts]

Burnie:Dawn of the Dead is what made me afraid of zombies and it probably was because at the end of the movie we're sitting there and my older brother turns to me and he goes "You know that really happened right?"

"Oh my god! he's a grown man and he still believes it?" Weiss said "Zombies are scary" Ruby said

Burnie:I said "What" he goes "Yeah that really happened that's a true story that it's based on" he goes "the army fixed it but they don't know what caused it, it could happen again at any time" and to this day I'm frightened to hell of zombies I look out my window at night, I expect to see something shambling down the street.

[end]

They clicked on the next video "Joel Hates Snakes"

Joel:This is why I hate snakes, we had this 15-foot burmese python

They all shuddered

Joel:We were watching like the Nature Channel and there was like this giant Burmese python and it was swimming in a river and we were like "Wow! That looks really cool! I wonder if our snake could do that!"

Gus(And RWBY):Oh god!

Joel:We grab the fifteen foot python and we go to the swimming pool

Others:[laughing]

Joel:So we threw it in the pool and sure enough the dumb thing starts swimming around and we're like "Hey! Wow look at that the dumb thing starts swimming around." and the it takes a dump in the pool. The giant fifteen foot python took a dump in the pool and if you've never seen a snake take a dump it is the grossest thing possibly imagined I'm like "What's that? Is it leaking? OH GOD!" As soon as I put two and two together I was done I'd seen enough

Burnie:Joel, if you had put two and two together you wouldn't have brought a fifteen fucking foot python to the local pool!

Joel:We were young! That's what you do when you're young!

[end]

"I think I just developed a fear of snakes." Ruby said "Why?" Weiss asked "Nowhere. is. safe." Ruby answered "Oh my god she's right." Yang said.


End file.
